It has begun. My life in the media spotlight has become the reality it was always destined to be, and I love it already. Okay I admit I have to share it, at present, with some charity but that’ll only be temporary; I’ll soon outgrow all that nonsense. I’m thinking of moving to London, pimping myself out to some rich older woman, slapping her about a little and then with the help of ‘Closer’ or other such crap; getting over my problem. Reality TV here I come. I’ll probably have to become addicted to something to make it believable but that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m thinking maybe asparagus as I like the way it makes your pee smell; or cookies, but then I think that’s already been done. I’m so excited, I’m going straight down to Primark to find the skimpiest outfit I can. I wonder who’ll force me to have sex with them first....
Click this and the greatest moment of my life will be revealed to you, and no it's not a link to a recording of a certain seven and a half seconds of magic featuring a clueless teenage William
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