My god Calcutta was tough. Unsurprisingly the summer here is pain inducingly hot when the rains aren't turning the place into the Venice of India, and as my illness, which I shall call amoebic dysentery, persisted, and persisted, I didn’t really leave my room the whole time. I am only just getting better now and am still prone to bouts of illness if I’m not careful with my diet. This is going to take time to fully fix itself; my stomach has taken a beating. I have also lost a lot of weight, I’m now only 11 stone, 70 kilos to those not familiar with the Empires weighing system, and for someone who’s six foot three, about one metre eighty-five; that’s fuck all. I’m wasting away. On a positive note, which there are always many, something I only realised once I started to feel better and stopped hating life and everything it stood for; I finished War and Peace and read Gandhi’s autobiography. I also had a few moments of realisation about life and my approach to current and future issues, so all in all despite the immense suffering, I feel I’ve managed to come out of it with at least a few positives.
I can’t really tell you much about Calcutta except that it’s hot, a bit of a shit hole and the people are pretty poor. I saw a few sights when my parents arrived, which I’ll talk about another time once they’ve left, but I did my best impression of a zombie the whole time and took very little in. I met a few nice locals, I avoided the tourists in general except for a few who I chatted to only once each, and the whole experience confirmed my opinion that I like nature as it’s full of life and the energy has a positive effect on people and humanity in general. I’m not a big hippy, I can just feel the energy of nature, and I miss that energy when stuck in a big dirty dead city. Calcutta however, I’m sure has much to offer, and I did get that feeling from the place, but I was unable to give it the chance I would have liked to. I will return at some point in the future but probably not in summer as the idea of discovering even more places on my body which I never knew I could sweat from doesn’t really appeal to me too much.
I did though have a lot of time to think, and when you are at your lowest you have a habit of looking at things a little more drastically and therefore, in my opinion, with a little less tint on your specks. I realised at one point what I really want from my life. I still, at the back of my mind, think I’m going to lead the revolution and rescue the world from the police state it is becoming, especially Britain, but I realised I should maybe do something in the mean time; you know, just in case the whole revolutionary period of my life doesn’t manifest itself in the way I’ve always thought it will. I am also now a believer in ahimsa which is non-violence, thank you Gandhi, so possibly my revolution will have to take a different direction. I am also, again thank you Gandhi, now a Satyagrahi; which is someone who follows a path of ‘truth’ (Sat) and ‘firmness’ (Agraha). What a wise man that Gandhi was, full of good ideas. But enough of him; unfortunately the ego still dictates the direction of this particular writing.
I want an easy life. I’ve been saying for a little while now how I like the idea of not being self-sufficient, but not being dependent on society. I love the idea of having my little house with my chickens, goats and a couple of pigs, my vegetables, and depending on the climate some grapes to make wine. I would also like as eco-friendly and efficient house as I can get as I then won’t have to pay bills and monetary cost can be kept down. It would also hopefully be in a little community of people too as I like a bit of social interaction. I have spent much time thinking about all this but it’s always just been an idea. I did however have a conversation with a young Spanish girl while waiting for my plain rice in a restaurant. I will admit my initial thoughts about her were not pure in the religious sense, although a little bit in the Catholic way, but I quickly enjoyed the difference of opinion we had and it was good to discuss something with someone who had differing opinions for once. One thing she said though, and I naturally disagreed with her, was that long term travellers shouldn’t just travel continuously; doing nothing and giving nothing back. I obviously said there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and people are all doing their own thing in their own way. Doing things?! Working?! Are you mad!! Young idealistic volunteers; wonderful people, truly making a difference. I ridicule, but these people are very important. Anyway, while I was wallowing in self pity the next day, it got me thinking about what I want from life and all that stuff about non-dependence sprang to mind, and I realised she had a point. Endless travelling is great fun, doing fuck all in the process and laughing at fools who complain about working even more fun; but I don’t smoke anymore and that’s half the justification for an inactive lifestyle gone. What I’ve decided is that I’m going to travel but go places and do things that’ll enable me to learn about living my future life; how and whatever this would entail. I can do some wwoofing and learn about food production; permaculture in particular. Working with animals would obviously be important, and as I intend on building my own home I should probably learn how. On a smaller scale I would quite like to know how to build clay ovens so learning that could be fun. And if I was really serious I could get myself back in the classroom and teach again, improve my English all over again. I just want to learn, I want to learn how to live, but to live a life I enjoy living and get something out of. I’m not designed for a 9-5 job, fuck that for a laugh, don’t tell me what to do boss. Tuck my shirt in?! My trousers are a little low?! I’m late?! Fuck off with your nonsense!! Going back to the classroom is suddenly a lot less appealing; maybe I’ll work part-time....from home.
This girl, who seems to have been some type of trigger; firing me out of the inactive, and who will have probably forgotten all about this, will forever have no name in my memory but will simply go by ‘cute Spanish girl with nice bottom and curly hair’. I love innocuous conversations like that which at the time appear to mean so little, but in hindsight have far more of a lasting affect than all those deep meaningful talks with wise people, or even those when I try to be that wise person, put together. People being themselves, people being true and not playing a role they think will make them look good to others or a role the ego wants them to play. They’re the people you need to hunt out, the people you actually learn something from; the genuine people. It really is beautiful when people have an effect on others by just being themselves. She also told me she was writing a short story, and although we both laughed at the fact it was a love story, I was very impressed she had already written nineteen chapters. She’s studying to be a doctor and in her spare time likes to write. I’d like to think I will justifiably be able to call myself a writer one day but my idleness means I struggle to write more than two thousand words. My finger really needs to be pulled out my arse. I’m not shitting myself anymore; I have no excuse for keeping it stuck up there. I have a plan I have told you about and another I haven’t. This one was also inspired by her but will remain a secret until it’s completion as I don’t want it to lose it’s fire by sharing it and talking about it.
India, and Calcutta; with the help of a little dysentery, have pushed me to the limits. Mother India is always teaching, and if you open your eyes you can always learn from her. I seem to do things the hard way. I had to embrace a little insanity to stop smoking, and now I have had to be pushed to my limits of suffering to see where I’ve gone, am going and will continue to go wrong, and what it is I actually want. It’s time I grabbed life by the balls and did a little of what I talk so much about. I have a path in life and a reason for being, and as the Gita says;
‘It is better that one do his own task as he may, even though he fail,
Than take tasks not his own though they seem good.
To die performing duty is no ill; but who seeks other roads shall wander still’
Well maybe it’s about time I stopped blindly wandering and started on my path. We are primitive beasts, and we are eventually going to push ourselves to the edge of extinction before we can develop as a species. In the meantime I’m not going to worry about any of that and get on with my life; start living and doing what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s only taken me twenty-five years; but I think I can finally say what I want from my life, and I can genuinely say it’s a good feeling, one long overdue.
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| The Venice of India |
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| Calcuttan Gondolas |
