The Doon Express – Train Travel the Indian Way

The Doon Express

I had spent the two months prior to India in Nepal, and because everyone else was doing it the conventional way round and going to India first I spent those two months listening to stories of India, getting advice about India and generally just getting excited about India. I came to a decision the trains were most likely going to be a highlight for me, and it was with the excitement of a little child that I finally booked myself in for a mammoth thirty-four and a quarter hours across the north of India from Haridwar to Calcutta on the Doon Express.

The date had finally arrived and I would like to say I was all giddy and excitable but unfortunately I had spent the previous week either squatting over a toilet or shitting in my pants and this had bought with it much suffering, weakness and all round general unhappiness. Getting to the train station seemed like an ordeal, the prospect of spending the next thirty-four and a quarter hours trapped inside a moving box with toilets that are nothing more than holes onto the moving tracks below, less that appealing to say the least.

Let me get one thing straight; I don’t like antibiotics. I believe we have an immune system which we should not only use when it suits us but strengthen by trusting in and constantly challenging. I abhor those hand sanitisers people use before they do anything and then wonder why their body has no natural immunity and they get ill all the time. I don’t even use fucking soap, that’s how hard I am. Anyway like I said, I’d spent the last week shitting my pants and I knew I had to do something. I stopped short of those devilish biotics but took something to stop me shitting and as a result only required the toilet facilities for their proper use on two occasions. I did though still feel bad the majority of the way and was in constant fear of emptying myself in my draws.

I boarded my train at quarter past ten at night and by eleven I was asleep. After the advice of others I had my top bunk, which I just about managed to squeeze into and lay down on my sweaty leather bed. It was roughly in line with the fans which therefore did more or less nothing for me. I looked around me to see I had been placed in the miserable carriage with equally unhappy faces; young and old alike. I decided I best not drink any of the chai as I doubted my stomach would appreciate it and lay down to sleep feeling all in all disappointed with the current situation and when I awoke I felt completely underwhelmed by the whole thing, questioning what all the excitement was about. I did though, when falling asleep, get a warm fuzzy feeling that I really was on the move, travelling and adventuring. The only other time I’ve really felt this was when I got the sleeper from Paris to Madrid and it’s a nice feeling; one which I hope others have had similar.

In the morning my neighbours looked as miserable as myself, and it was at that moment I had one of my realisations. Except for the extremes, people are simply reflections of ourselves. As I was giving out sad pathetic miserable energy; this was exactly what I received back. If you’re an angry man people will show you anger, the same goes with love, fun, happiness, sadness, tranquillity and so on. A friend of mine from Rishikesh who is full of love for everyone told me that families where sharing food with her and she them and that trains are great fun. That’s the energy she gives out so that’s the energy she receives. I was miserable and hated life, so everyone directed misery back in my direction, and life hated me. The problem was, I was too ill to do anything about it.

I fell asleep after lunch and a bit of diarrhoea complaining to myself about my fucking desire to experience India and not just see it. Well I was experiencing it alright, the harsh realities and all. When I woke I felt a little better and decided I should take advantage of it. I realised experiencing India is one thing but I need to see it too, that by doing one the other should automatically happen if you have the right approach. The approach I decided was required was to go sit by the open door and watch India go by. This cheered me up no end and I decided I should try and lean out the door as far as I could in a type of yoga move I had done once. Once as it turns out was a very long time ago and moving my shoulders back into place proved a little troublesome to the point where I had a little ‘O Fuck’ moment; but all turned out fine in the end and I got that little buzz you get from putting your life needlessly in danger just to try something that looks fun.

As I now felt a little better I took it upon myself to challenge my stomach; “Fuck you, enough is enough I’ve pussy footed around you and starved myself and all for what, more fucking pain and suffering. Well no more!!” At which point I stopped the man walking past with chai, then the man with the matar, then the man with the garam, then another man which chai, and another and another, and then a man with some chaat, and washed it all down with another lovely chai. And you know what, because I had blocked myself up, nothing happened. I was eating, tasting, experiencing, seeing and travelling; and I was happy again.

A day in the life of the India Police Force

At one stop six policemen came on escorting two prisoners. They were each carrying enormous rifles dating from what must have been the time of the British Raj, I actually thought they were muskets at first. They then sat among the other passengers or where they could find a seat, while one lay down and had a nap. You really have to love the Indian police. It was a ridiculous scene and provided me with much amusement.

Later two transvestites got on and demanded I give them money. I remembered watching a documentary a few years back about trannys in India and if memory serves me the locals fear them because they think they will curse them or something. Either way I have no fear of trannys and they got told exactly where to go, much to the approval of the man sitting next to me. He then gave me some advice and suggested that as the part of the journey between Varanasi and Calcutta was the most risky in regards robbery I should actually padlock my chain properly to the seat and not just have it wrapped around for show. I headed his advice. I chatted to him for a bit and he was a good guy.

In the morning as the train approached Calcutta and the majority of the passengers had got off I had my morning cigarette sitting with my legs hanging out the door enjoying the peace and the waves and smiles from the passengers in the other trains running alongside. The fact this was the first cigarette I had had since two days earlier which wasn’t smoked inside the dirty smelly toilet added somewhat to the beauty of the scene for me.

Despite it being nothing like I had imagined and there being times of hardship and suffering on my behalf, I enjoyed my first train journey in India. It was much fun and once I cheered up and got over my nonsense, I started embracing it all and it turned out great. I had done it, I had not just survived thirty-four and a quarter hours but I had taken it on and come out not just stronger but full of life and happiness too. Now just to find a guest house and a toilet before those pills wore off....

Enlightened or crazy?

I’m leaving Kasar Devi tomorrow, or today depending on when I get round to putting this up. In all fairness it could actually turn out to be that I left Kasar Devi yesterday, or maybe even a few days ago. I know what I am capable of so shall promise nothing. All I know for certain is that it’s Sunday night and I’m writing this with the intention of leaving on the six o’clock bus tomorrow evening.

It has been interesting. For those who’ve never been here I’ve already described the place but I would like to mention one particular thing again; the energy. Kasar Devi has energy, lots of it and you can feel it. It is powerful. A baba told me you either leave this place enlightened or crazy such is it’s power. Now I embraced this energy, but I don’t think I was ready for it. I didn’t give it respect and it came down hard on me.

I’m going to give you an insight into the workings of my brain.

I thought I was on the road to enlightenment. Everything was happening for a reason; everybody I met, every action I made, every route I took, everything, EVERYTHING. And I was analysing all that came before me and spending far too much time in my head thinking about why something happened or for what reason, and how it benefitted me, or how I could make it benefit me, and so on and so on, and there were signs and I tried to follow them and I was doing alright, and with the help of the universe guiding me; I was on the right path. Everything was good.

After a little while I came to the conclusion that it’s not just about reading the signs, but about feeling them too, and then I realised that what you’re feeling is your heart. Trust your heart, it understands you a lot more than you do, especially more than your head does, and it will lead you into some far more interesting places.

I went with my heart and I liked what it showed me, but then there was one thing I was ignoring, and that was what my heart was telling me about smoking and continuing to smoke. I had been smoking a lot these last few months and it had been great, but my heart was telling me to stop. I kept on coming up with excuses, or compromises I knew I would never stick to but I just didn’t want to stop smoking even though deep down that was exactly what I knew I wanted.

After about a week here I was sick. I hadn’t even smoked a lot but I was sick; I puked. Very rarely am I sick. I could probably recount ninety percent of the times in my life I have been. I realise now I had smoked too much over this time and my body simply couldn’t take it.

The thing was; it was as if a lot of negative energy had come up. It wasn’t just too much smoke induced dal in that toilet but a pile of negative crap my body had finally got rid of. For the next three days I didn’t smoke and didn’t want to. I felt good and I had the energy and the drive to go with it. But I’m weak, and in my weakness I invariably came to the conclusion not smoking while travelling, and especially through India, was just not feasible. So I was going to smoke in moderation. I did , for the next week or two that’s exactly how I smoked. Then I had an idea. As it grows wild here, like is natural, I decided if I wasn’t going to smoke it I should at least try to consume it another way.

I made a lot of tea and the other day after a little experimenting, my Swedish neighbour, Peter, came across with a little concoction he had made up. We drank and he was stoned but not too bad, but me, I was fucked. I actually went mad, I experienced insanity for an hour or so before I eventually succeeded in passing out. I was taken to the brink of madness and back again. It was like a bad trip but worse, I have never experienced anything like it. I saw everything in clarity. I saw how me being sick was Kasar Devi and it’s energy helping get all this badness out of me but by continuing to smoke I had simply fucked it in the arse. I’d embraced the energy but not respected it. I was going to be enlightened, but now nothing more than crazy, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I had fucked up and I had to live with it. I had everything and I had lost it all and I had nobody to blame but myself. That’s what was going through my mind but at an intensity my words could not do justice.

On an amusing note though I did come to the conclusion my neighbour Alexa was an actual angel when she bought me a cup of tea, but after drinking half decided she was in fact a witch trying to poison me so refused the rest.

All in all it was the worst moment of my life, and I woke up depressed, really really depressed. I’ve never actually felt real depression before and this was too much. I still had the same thoughts from the night before and they had been in such clarity and so well thought out that there was an answer to every happy thing I tried to convince myself. It was so bad that for the first time in my life suicide became a genuine option. I had fucked everything up and now I had to deal with the fact nothing would be the same. I wasn’t going to find enlightenment, or be enlightened or even live a happy life, this was just the first step into the crazy; the start of the downward spiral.

It was a horrible day and this morning, the next day, didn’t feel much better. I decided to go for a walk down into the valley as I had heard there was a nice waterfall somewhere down there. After about an hour of fucking around trying to convince myself if I follow my heart I’ll find it, but in fact just getting lost and being inside my head too much, I actually stumbled upon a little waterfall. I stripped off desnudo and tied my headscarf around my head in classic Deer Hunter / Platoon mad man style before climbing some wet, slippy and dangerous rocks, and sitting under the little waterfall. It was great, and I screamed and shouted a little and let it all out. I then went and sat on a nearby rock and lay in the sun before falling asleep for an hour. There was one thing which struck me though as important. There was something a little different about my screams and laughter, and it wasn’t just because I was climbing rocks in true naked mad man style, but I could feel a bit of the crazy in there, as if a little had grabbed hold and wasn’t going to let go. I don’t know what it means and am aware I could even have been imagining it, but one thing I do know is I felt good afterwards and it brought me out of my depressed slumber.

I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not on the path to enlightenment anymore and I really struggled to cope with that for a day and a half, and still am a little sad about that fact, but now I’m onto something else. That something may be insanity but equally it may not be. My future is going to be different to what I had spent the last year imagining it would be. It took a bit of nudity and falling water to realise different doesn’t have to be a bad thing though. Whatever I make of it, and I will make something of it, it’ll be fun and interesting. One thing I do know for sure though is I’ve had enough of the smoking. I’ve reached my limit and I won’t risk experiencing thoughts like that again, enough is enough, it’s about time I started really listening to my heart. And although it might be a laugh, it’s probably best if I don’t feed the insanity further. Crazy or enlightened? Either way; I’m not leaving this place the same person who arrived

Stop Press

I hope in future to be able to inflict my own poetry upon you. Of course that would mean I actually have to write some first, but for now I thought it could be fun to inflict someone else’s first. So in honour of someone I would hope I can call my dear friend, this is his word....I hope you find this both enjoyable and rewarding, and please; try not to over think it

Stop Press

Everything means something,

Or nothing means everything.

Anything is not nothing;

So something means everything.

There can only be one

Everything, omitting nothing,

So, everything means something!

If nothing meant anything

Then who cares?

But we all care

So everything means something.

Take care for all, equally

None is lesser or greater,

All is part of one,

One is all there is.

None is superior or inferior

Take care, everything is all, right?

Neil R. Wall

He's the retired Zeus on the left if you're curious

I found her

And on the Seventh Day; William found his place.

I am in Kasar Devi; a small scattered community of homes, guesthouses and mini shops on the edge of an utterly picturesque valley beside a Hindu temple and a Buddhist monastery. Everything here is slow and shanti. The people here seem happy and content with life. They take pride in their beautiful home and take measures to keep it that way. A boy told me in the internet shop in Almora that there are three energy centres on earth; Kasar Devi being one of them, I’ll let you find out the other two on your own.

This is only my third day here so I am still discovering what this place has in store for me. Much to my amusement though; I have discovered that a daily battle ensues between man and monkey. The monkeys sneak in en-mass with the aim of causing nuisance and maybe getting a quick snack at the same time. Man, woman and child, with the help of loud noises, similar to that of a hoarse dog crossed with an angry monkey, and badly aimed stones, are immediately onto them and their games, chasing them off before the next wave of attack. A spectacle which would bring a chuckle to even the most morose, but which brings on fits of laughter to the rest of us.

It is the type of place where after having to walk around with something on my feet for my first six days in India, I got to go bare again, and get to go bare all the time. It is a place where you leave the numerous insects in your room in peace as you really understand that they were here before you and that you’re the guest in their home. You’re surrounded by such nature here that children don’t go out after dusk as they risk being carried away by leopards. It is even the type of place where you are undercharged for biscuits.

On the flip-side though Kasar Devi is also unfortunately the type of place which in five years will have become, after it’s first real Lonely Planet plug, overrun by tourists but is at present perfect. Two dozen tourists at the very most forming a lovely little community alongside the locals in a beautiful peaceful place; where I immediately felt at home and have continued to do so since.

After a curious incident involving the choice of a book and a song playing in the background; I discovered you don’t always get what you want but you do get what you need. Well I can see that this place is exactly what I need but also a glimpse of possibly what I ultimately want too



Two images of the view from my balcony or landing or whatever you call the place I sit out on most days



Nepal, and all the fun that comes with it

As I’ve already mentioned I’m in India, and despite my lack of news or updates I’m sure you’re also aware that I was previously in Nepal for two months. I can’t remember everything as I am, despite my best efforts, only human, but what I can remember I would like to share with you. I would also like to give you my opinions on travel as I value my own self-importance and my opinion is therefore not only correct but of great importance.

·         I met some beautiful people, inside and out, who I feel I got a lot from. For me people are the source of all knowledge, and even if you doubt yourself I assure you; you have something to share. These are special people, and whether it was the person acting as my didi, my Mayan challenge, my chillum partner, the mandala master living next door, the Columbian Baba who has shown me the way or the Turkish gypsy who showed me it’s not too late to learn the most beautiful instrument there is; I want you to know you were good people to meet and I love you all.

·         I enjoyed mushrooms, of the fun variety, up a hill with a moorchild and his magic pipe. It was during this I truly connected with the ants and then I discovered heaven is up a tree, up a hill overlooking a beautiful lake and a valley, where birds having made themselves little cotton cloud nests, sit all day playing the harp and frolicking with angels

·         Another time after a few mushrooms I realised drugs simply confirm everything to me that I already know. A nice moment of realisation.

·         I’ve sat next to a dirty old German taking photographs of porn in an internet shop, evidently saving them for later. The google search being ‘monica belluci cunt’, straight to the point, very efficient; good German.

·         I learnt how to ride, and only crashed a little, a scooter. I then went on a four hour ketamine inspired road trip in search of more ketamine. This was unsuccessful but I realised after about five minutes that the ket wasn’t important and that my enjoyment at riding a bike was the only thing I now had on my mind; it was well worth the seven pound in damages I had to fork out. I now want an Enfield as despite my best Dennis Hopper, RIP, impression I just didn’t look quite as cool as I would have liked or thought I did at the time.

·         Back to the ants, I love those little fuckers. While at a little late night jam session I watched an ant, almost hypnotically, running in circles around a candle and doing this until it finally burnt out maybe an hour and a half later. I’m not entirely sure who is more simple, the ant for running in circles or me for spending an hour and a half engrossed in its movements. I also watched two ants doing their best ‘To me, to you’ Chucklebrothers impression with a dead insect. Ants are quite simply amazing and obviously watching them live their lives like machines, like ninety percent of humanity, is something people need to see and realise. Break free people, we’ve been given conscious thought, use it.

·         I’ve had fleas, ticks and ringworm and have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it

·         I learnt a little about patience but also about anger. I learnt that in general the Nepali are inherently good people but there are a few who I would have no qualms about stabbing in the face. The man who refused to give me my departure stamp, as I was three days over my visa, unless I extended for the minimum fifteen days and paid the fine, not to mention the ridiculous exchange rate, and smugness and ‘not my problem’ attitude. He’s a man who brings out my base Scorpio instinct with its sting in the tail. He got a piece of my mind, as did the American who suggested I lacked an understanding of karma. This as all in contrast to the first Indians I met, the army, who gave me lots of water and then stopped a motorbike for me and told the driver to take me to the immigration office, wait and then take me to the bus station. Good Indians, bad Nepali.

·         Of course I did other things like go up to the villages where I got the shits from dodgy Chang, which is rice beer. I learnt how to make chapatti, pasta (!) and bamboo chillums among other things. Or the time I walked up the Peace Pagoda in bare feet like a pilgrim or the time I got the craziest lift with a truck driver who was racing his friend at night on a windy road. And of course I relaxed, why fight Pokhara’s energy.

Obviously there were more things done but I can’t really remember certain parts of the last two months, a bit of a blur to me. I wonder now if you could indulge me, like you have done before, and listen to my thoughts on a few things, namely travel, actually kind of only about travel.

I feel I’ve got a lot from these last two months and that I’m heading in the right direction. I’m excited about now, the present, but also about the future which promises so much. For me, life with travel is a life with substance. I told someone once that I planned on travelling until I was about thirty, at which point he enquired what I would then do and I said I had no idea. Although he confessed to wanting to travel he went on about wanting something to show for it all. I told him that by then he may have one hundred thousand pounds in the bank but that I would have had one hundred thousand experience and therefore memories. I realise now though that it’s about so much more, that it’s about discovery and learning and adventure. How can you really ever know who you are until you’ve experienced who you’re not, the same goes for what you like or don’t like. Thankfully that boy, who I love very much, is now doing the two things I know make him happy; making good money and travelling, throw in the third too which is most likely having sex with a lot of women and I think there’s every chance he’s now living his perfect life.

Now one of his reasons for not travelling was a very common one; that he had commitments and couldn’t afford to go off and travel. Well he still has most of those commitments and as he’s working so evidently money is being provided for him. My point is people always come up with excuses in life for why they can’t do things, myself included, or they say it just isn’t possible right now but they will in the future. We don’t know the future but what we do know is the present.

Another friend once said ‘The only thing holding you back in life is yourself’. Take the chance, one will reveal itself. Just to prove what wise friends I have I’ll quote another, ‘it’s not the chances we get in life that define us; but the choices we make’.

On that note I’m off to enjoy India.

First impressions India

A beautiful girl told me just the other day, 'Once you enter India, India enters you'. It's been twenty years but I've finally returned, and the closer I got to the border the more I could feel her. I like this place, it has an energy which Nepal was lacking and while I thoroughly enjoyed my time there; I already know this is going to be different.

I've just arrived in Almora after an eight hour bus journey, a twenty hour journey the day before and a seven hour journey two days before that. Since I arrived here I've been buzzing and it's most likely because I'm beyond tired, but I'm putting it down a little to India's energy working on me and also the fact it's a full moon today. I'm thinking of spending a couple of days here before heading to the Valley of Flowers and then walking barefoot up some mountain I forget the name of with pilgrims

I'll let you know how it goes. I'm going to bed

Lazy, idle or an un-healthy mix of the two?

I've come to a conclusion that there is a massive difference between laziness and idleness. Those who are idle tend just not to do much; they see the beauty in doing nothing but working hard on something when they  finally do. Laziness on the other hand is a symptom of people who just can't be arsed to do anything. They fail to see the simple beauty in doing nothing yet continue doing nothing and then complain about being bored. For me it's a lack of artistic intelligence and appreciation in the simple. I'm aware it's maybe not the best description but fuck it; right now it'll do for me.

What I would like to do is therefore reassure people that I am anything but lazy and that my lack of any tangible writing is simply a result of my fervent belief in the idle. Is one piece of writing in two months acceptable i ask, well no would be a obvious answer. In my defense I have been busy; I've been following the universe, or at least learning how to follow the universe to maximum effect and it's been fun. I've been having adventures and I've been sitting around doing nothing; both of which have bought me joyous levels of satisfaction, but both of which have got in the way of me doing any writing. I need to find balance in my life and I'm slowly starting to see and understand how.

I leave Nepal in just a little over a week and then I head down to India. This I am looking forwards to immensely and although I love this country it'll be good to have finally got past this place; seven months is a long time. I plan on writing a little piece on my last two months, telling you all what I've been up to whether it interests you or not, before I leave but first I just wanted to write something.....anything.....

I hope those who did read my other posts and enjoyed them haven't forgotten about me. Ceri I see you are my first minion, I must thank you for this, and as some wise people once said; 'well come'.

It's good to be back....